It can’t be true.

“Congratulations! You’re pregnant.”
It cant be true. I thought
Congratulations seemed an ironic word at that time .
It can’t be true
“What are we gonna do?” I ask fidgeting with the hem of my skirt.
“We? He said. It’s your child.”
“What Do you mean?” My whole world was spinning. It can’t be true.
“Its your child too.”
“Who knows?”
My hands stopped fidgeting.
“What are you saying!” Tears strolled down my cheeks involuntarily.
“Why are you doing this!” My voice cane out with a crack .
It can’t be true.
“Look I can’t own this child… I have ambitions an…and goals.” He said running a hand through his dirty blonde hair.
“What about my ambitions and goals? Didn’t you think about that when you were peeling off the clothes from my body?”
“I know. That’s why I am saying. Get an abortion. It best for both of us.”
And with that he left . leaving me in the eye of the tornado to struggle alone to get out of it.
“It can’t be true.”
This was all I could think.
I went home.
I took a long cold shower which surprisingly made me even more exhausted.
I looked at myself in the mirror
My long hair cascading down till me hips. I pushed them back and took a look at my stomach.
The feeling of having another being in it scared me.
‘It can’t be true.’ I was constantly thinking this.
“I’m not ready. Maybe he’s right. Abortion is the answer. ” I thought exhausted
“No! How can he be right? He betrayed me!” The anger resurfaced again.
I touched my stomach. Somehow it felt like it didn’t belong to me anymore. I was sharing it with another living thing now.
It can’t be true
I wrapped a towel around myself and entered my room
My phone rang. Displaying a pic of me and him laughing . Memories flashed through my mind wrecking it. We had so much fun that day.
It can’t be true.
Tears strolled down my cheeks again, contrastingly feeling hot against my cold skin.
“I can’t do this! I don’t have job ! I don’t have money! I’m alone!
I’m not ready to bear this pain yet!”
My heavy thoughts pushed me backwards into my bed . I lay there motionless, staring at the grey ceiling. How ironic ! Grey ceiling for a grey life!” I laughed bitterly at my own state.
“I will get an abortion.”
Somehow this thought made me feel like a murderer. “I’m not a murderer. I can’t do this. This is my child. I can’t kill it. With him or without him I’m gonna raise my baby. Yes its my baby.” Surprisingly this thought sounded right in my mind. It gave me a sense of power and control. I had made my decision. No power on earth could reverse it now.
Its been 17 years since.
Adrian is standing on the stage with the national award in her hands. Her wide grin spreading till my proud smile. She is being awarded for some scientific breakthrough which I don’t understand. You see I was always bad at science . she descended the stage and everybody is still applauding.
She hugged me and handed her big glistening trophy to me. “This is for you ma” she smiled.
After all these years the thought crept back in. “It can’t be true”
I whispered.
The only difference was that this time I got an answer.
“No ma its true. I love you so much! and its only and only because of you that I got this! Its yours! I’m yours!”
These words made me so happy. They felt like warm blanket on a winter night. All my fears, all my uncertainties vanished into thin air.
That time I realized, that she is my baby. Only mine.
After all being a single mother has its own perks.